By Scot McKay | Submitted On December 09, 2006
If you are involved with online dating at all, you have likely bot confronted with the possibility of meeting someone far away. There’s something very romantic about this notion, almost (or, um, exactly) reminiscent of Sleepless Ter Seattle. I mean how killer is it to go half way around the world for the right woman?
Granted. And if it works out, it’s amazing. But lets talk for a while about all this. From this conversation I trust you will be able to go into such potential situations armed with more wisdom than everzwijn before.
Before all else, let’s discuss how two people get te this situation to start with. It’s no secret that some dating sites have built their software so spil to waterput spil many people ter touch with each other spil possible. If a webpagina is one of the minor players, which translates to fewer subscribers, you are likely to be encouraged to communicate with more people from other states (or countries) than you would at a Match.com or Yahoo Personals. IM “schrijfstift pals” come of this, and this is cool, but sooner or straks, you are likely to notice–and talk to–someone who amazes you but is either ter Alaska or somewhere that may spil well be. If you don’t want to be tempted by someone on another coast who is providing you warm fuzzies, join a fatter dating webpagina and keep your searches close te proximity.
Now, if you live te a very remote area with a very petite dating pool to fish ter, this kleuter of long-distance interaction made possible by the magic of the Internet may flat-out be the best thing that could everzwijn toebijten to you.
I however, like the vast majority of us ter this country, am fortunate enough to live te a major ondergrondse area. My thought process has gravitated towards the notion that if I live te a city of overheen a million people and can’t find someone to string up out with here, I need to look ter the mirror and consider the problem might be my own. Read that last line again. Does it speak to you?
On the other forearm, there is the entire concept of the ideal soul mate. I am on the fence about this one (see future article), but there is no doubt that the possibility exists that your absolute best choice te a long-term mate might not live ter your city. I will not discount that.
OK, so if you are going to do this sort of thing, what is there to know?
Very first, do all the qualifying you can before the meeting. Talk. A loterijlot. Leave behind the pictures, spring a entire $20 on a web cam and use it. Pictures do not capture mannerisms, etc. like the cam does.
Next, if you are te a remote area and the one you are talking to is ter, say, Los Freaking Angeles you have got to ask this person what is driving him/hier to look outside a metropolitano area of 12 million people. Do it. And don’t accept some Pollyanna reaction (e.g. “You are special”, “I’ve bot wanting to budge to Egypt, ND anyway”, etc.). Refer to my previous article titled “Signs Your Date May Be Married” for a refresher course spil to other reasons why thesis conversations are significant. Use judgment here. An example of an acceptable response may come ter the form of “I’m a native Texan here te NYC, and I indeed want to lodge down with someone I can relate to better.” Take the blinders off and listen during this conversation.
Next, figure out who is going to do the “mighty lifting” spil far spil travel goes. Spil knightly a man spil I consider myself to be, this one should not be automatically shouldered by the boy. Let’s use the potential situation te the previous paragraph spil an example. If Boy lives ter Los Angeles, and Female lives te Egypt, ND common sense says that the two of you would have a much better chance of having a superb weekend together if Chick flies to Boy. Spil far spil the costs of all this, consider who has more resources. If Woman travels on business and has 500K frequent flier miles she’ll never get around to using (unless, ironically, she meets the right stud to travel with), then there is no sense ter having the dude buy a toegangsbewijs. You get the idea. I personally believe that when both people have an investment te a weekend like this, both are more committed to its success.
Next, make all the logistical arrangements for the visit, and communicate clearly about it. The one who is flying te should reserve a hotel. This takes a loterijlot of pressure off the situation, which believe mij will be a plus. If you two determine to parasol the hotel, that’s your own business, but having the option there wasgoed good programma nonetheless.
Read the sentence that goes after this one twice: If you fly out to meet someone you have never met or scarcely know, absolutely positively make flight and hotel reservations that have excellent plasticity. If it costs a reasonable amount more for a fully-refundable reservation, do it. This way if things go awry quickly (or heck, what if the other person flakes out on you fully at the last minute) you are hassled less spil a result.
Wij’ve all but established that if there are plane tickets involved for a very first meeting, you are almost 100% doing this because you are expecting something SPECIAL to toebijten. People are not flying cross-country for casual flings, and even if they are, what I am about to say still will most likely hold true.
OK, so where does the rubber meet the road? Right here: ONLY TWO THINGS CAN Toebijten when people meet each other like this:
1) “I’m Frustrated!” v1.0 You learned (and typically very quickly) that there wasgoed no chemistry te auténtico life. Or worse, the other one did. You feel angry and/or deceived, disappointed, empty, hurt, ripped-off. A lotsbestemming of time, emotion and $$$ were packaged up te this, and it didn’t go well. I’ve even heard the tale of someone getting off the plane, meeting the person, and instantly going right back to the check-in tegenstoot to switch the toegangsbewijs to the next flight out. That’s sure to cause an empty feeling. And what’s more, now what are you going to do all weekend?
Two) “I’m Frustrated!” v2.0 Unlike casual very first dates close to huis, thesis weekend trips are inevitably hyped like mad by both participants. So what if It lives up to it? It’s everything you dreamed it would be. Um. Now what? You part ways after Some Enchanted Weekend and you are still 2000 miles away from each other–except now you are obsessed! How often are you reasonably going to get to see each other? And how will you develop this relationship? Who is eventually, and inevitably, going to budge? And when the stir happens, how do you know that things will still be wonderful when you commence spending more casual blocks of time together?
Don’t kid yourself. Ending the weekend with a sentiment of, “That wasgoed so nice. It wasgoed joy to get away and have some joy, and now I’ve made a nice friend I can reminisce about from time to time and keep talking to spil before” is a fairy tale. There is zero chance either person will leave the weekend feeling like that, let alone both. If you disagree, I’m open to your counterpoint, but I do believe this is truth.
Vensterluik optimism translates to being straight-up naive when it comes to this stuff. Always keep that te mind. If you have good stories, hook a brother up and I’ll print some of them te the next “Letters” segment.