Dating Jokes and Condoms Humor!
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What's the big deal about condoms? Well, when you have an old friend die due to not wearing one, it's becomes more clear. We use humor or what ever it takes to spread the word that men or women should never have unprotected sex with someone they just recently hooked up with.
Every brand, every size, every flavor! We sell all types and brands of condoms for discounted prices. Discreet and secure ordering makes it simple and there should never be an excuse for not always having condoms handy.
We sincerely hope that this page will produce a few giggles, but most importantly, will provide some info to help make you more aware of the importance of spreading the safe sex word to your friends and family. Who knows, you could actually save a life!
Your very own condom resource guide and information center!
"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So, what's the problem?" - Jay Leno
Quick Stat Facts
Women buy four out of every 10 condoms sold. The condom is named after Dr. Charles Condom. Original thinking, no?
In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception - prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.
Swedes take the most risks when fooling around the nasty. 61 percent have had unsafe sex in the last year, compared with 49 percent of Norwegians and Danes, the next door neighbors. This of course completely destroys the cold weather/more sex theory that's been offered up. Hmmmmm
All the following have been used to make condoms through history: Linen, tortoise shell, leather, silk, and sheep gut. Kind of gives you an idea why they weren't very "en vogue" for long, eh? "Sweetheart, I want you! Grab the sheep gut now!"
Condoms Are Your Friends, and are really not that bad!Despite all the hype and the advertising claims about increased sensitivity, condoms will of course cut the sex friction level a bit. But always remember to put on the jacket anyway. You never know what kind of creepy thing you could catch. If the relationship developes, you both get checked out and off they come! Gives you something to look forward too! Kind of erotic if you go with it.
Ode to Condom Poems to Help Insure ProtectionFeel free to rap these out, it's kind of cool
1. Cover your stump before you hump
2. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker
3. Don't be silly, protect your willy
4. When in doubt, shroud your spout
5. Don't be a loner, cover your boner
6. You can't go wrong when you shield your dong
7. If you're not going to sack it, go home & whack it
8. If you think she's spunky cover your money
9. If you slip between her things, be sure to condomize
10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter
11. She won't get sick if you wrap your dick
12. If you're going into heat, package your meat
13. When you're undressing your venus dress up your penis
14. When you take off her pants & blouse, slip up your trouser mouse
15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member
16. Never, Never deck her, with an unwrapped pecker
17. Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool
18. The right selection will protect your erection
19. Wrap it in oil before checking her oil
20. A crank with armor will never harm her
21. NO GLOVE NO LOVE
True story - lessons learned
I was a happy camper. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.
I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.
"The moral of this story is:" "Always keep your condoms in your car."
Global Condom Slang Terms
Denmark: gummimand - rubberman
Germany: lummeltute - naughty bag
Hong Kong: pei dang vi - bulletproof vest
Hungary: ovszer - safety tool
Indonesia: koteca - penis gourd
Nigeria: okpuamu - penis hat
Portugal: camisa de Venus - Venus' shirt
Australia: love glove
Greece: kapota - overcoat
Spain: globo - balloon
France: capote Anglaise - English raincoat
England/US: French letter
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